The Humiliation of Kon-El
by Ryan Brandt
Summary: Kon-El is forced to do something that he'd rather not do... (probably not as funny as I had intended, but hopefully you'll still find it amusing).


Note: Yes the songs that appear in the fan-fic actually exist. Don't know if you can download them, but they do exist.

3 P.M, Young Justice Cave.

Robin has just issued a meeting in the rec. room.

And as all the YJ members pile in, the notice a crude stage has been created... with a microphone, speakers, the works. In the back are 4 seats.

And in the corner, Robin is wearing a devilish smile.

"Robin, why have we been called here?" Empress asks him, to which he replies...

"You'll find out in a second, but if you all would please take your seats." Robin says as he gestures to the chairs. So Impulse sits in the first seat, Secret next to him, Wondergirl and then Empress.

"And now ladies and gentlemen, on the behalf of the establishment, I'm pleased to bring to you that legendary performer... Kon-El!" and with the cue, Kon-El walks into the room.

Kon-El is wearing a suit that resembles the suits worn by Lounge Lizards. As he makes his way to the stage, he casts an evil glare towards Robin while mumbling something underneath his breath.

When he makes his way to the top of the stage, Robin hands him a piece of paper.

"Oh lord... do I have to read this?"

"A deal is a deal." Robin says with a smirk. Kon-El grimaces.

"Man, I just flew into Rhode Island today and boy are my arms tired! Ah-heh, *sighs*... Well ladies and germs, you may or may not have noticed, I'm Kon-El. *YJ gang looks at each other puzzled* I'm here tonight to perform a show for you because... *reads next part of line and glares at Robin* because I lost a bet that no matter how much I thought I could win, it just wasn't possible." Kon says as he then crunches the paper. The gang begins to smile at each other as they realize what this is all about.

"Here's your next set of lines." Robin says with a smile as he hands a new piece of paper to Kon.

"I will get you back for this."

"Suuure. That's what you always say..."

"*Stares at Robin, then looks at the paper* For your entertainment tonight, I will perform two songs that I am well known for in the state of Florida. The first one is by Bowser and Blue... and it's called... 'Meow, Meow, Meow...'" Kon says with a grimace... he then continues with, "Followed by The Arrogant Worms song, 'I am Cow'."

With that said, Robin strolls along to a TV monitor and activates it. He then puts a CD into the CD player hooked to the stage and TV screen reads 'Song 1: Meow, Meow, Meow...'.

"Have mercy on me..."

"Nope. You made a bet and this is what I want. If you don't sing, I'll make you do this all over again. Oh, and make sure you dance as you sing."

As the music starts and a guitar is heard from the speaker, the first words appear, Kon-El's face goes white. But then he begins singing...

"Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow,meow...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow,meow...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...

Cat walks down the street and asks, 'why do I lick myself all day?'

Why do I lick myself all day? 

Is it just because I can or because I got some Vaseline on my paws?

And I hate to get a furball...

I hate to get a furball...

When I already have two furry balls!

And I don't wanna chase mice anymore, mice taste terrible!

And they always make me fart! 

And there's nothing worse than mouse farts except...

FISH BREATH, FISH BREATH

Why do I always seem to get,

FISH BREATH, FISH BREATH

Why don't they make chlorates for cats?

And I don't find Garfield amusing anymore...

*At this point, the gang and Robin are all laughing their heads off*

I can be your pussycat, if you feed me pussy-chow... (feed me pussy-chow)

You can call me kitty, and when you call me kitty, I will go me-ow...

Like this,

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow,meow...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow,meow...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...

A cat walks along a wall and says,

Howcome I'm so damn smart? 

Howcome I'm so damn smart and howcome dogs are so dumb?

I don't chase the mailman...

I don't poop on the sidewalk, I use kitty litter, oh here comes a dog right now...

Come over here, 

BUM SNIFFER, BUM SNIFFER!

Why don't you fetch me a stick you,

LEG HUMPER, LEG HUMPER!

All you leg humpers make me sick...

I can be your pussycat, if you feed me pussy-chow... (feed me pussy-chow)

You can call me kitty, and when you call me kitty, I will go me-ow...

Like this,

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow,meow...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow...

And then... and then maybe I will jump up into your lap...

And I will turn around, lift my tail up and stick my butt in your face!

I like to do that...

And if you look closely you can see that I'm smiling at you...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow,meow...

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, me-ooowwww..."

And as Kon-El stops singing, all of them are still laughing...

"Bwa-ha-ha! Meow! Kon was singing Meow! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha..." Impulse laughed as Wondergirl was wiping tears from her eyes.

"There, I've been humiliated, isn't that good enough?"

"Nope! You... ha, ha... still have... ha, ha, one more song to do!"

"You sonofa..." Kon began to say as an organ began to play over the speakers and Kon saw the first words begin to appear.

"I am Cow,

Hear me moo,

I weigh twice much as you,

And I look good on the bar-be-que...

Yogurt, curd cream, cheese and butters,

Made from liquid from my utters,

I am Cow... I am Cow,

Hear me Moo-ooo.

*At this point, Kon begins to flail his arms around to the beat*

I am Cow,

Eating Grass,

Methane Gas comes out my ass,

And out my muzzle when I belch...

Oh, the ozone layer is thinner from the outcome of my dinner,

I am Cow... I am Cow,

I've got Gas-as...

I am Cow,

Here I stand,

Far and wide upon this land...

And I am living every-where...

From the sea to Newfoundland,

You can squeeze my teats by hand...

I am Cow, I am Cow, I am Cow-ow...

I am Cow, I am Cow, I AM COW-OWW!"

And as he concludes, the gang is laughing so hard that some of them are having trouble breathing.

"There, I'm done. Are you happy now?"

"THAT WAS GREAT!" Robin yelled as he was trying to regain some composure.

Bart was laughing so fast, it was near undecipherable. But as he regained some semblance of composure, he couldn't help but ask...

"Okay Kon, what was the bet that you lost?" 

"...it was... Robin and I were at a restaurant when I made a comment that I could pick up any girl there... and Robin betted me on it. So I picked a girl... but... but she was a lesbian! It wasn't fair!"

"Hey, you said you could pick up ANY girl there. The fact that she likes women shouldn't have stopped such a manly man like... like yourself... ah-ha-ha-ha!" Robin says as he looses his composure...

"*Laughing* You know Rob, I didn't understand why you asked me to set up a video camera here, but now I see why! I've gotta show this to Cissie..." Cassie says as Robin stopped laughing and started making gestures for her to stop talking.

But Kon heard and he slowly turned his head towards Robin. If this was a cartoon, the act of moving his head would of created a horrible screech, that would've matched the horrible look of anger on Kon-El's face.

"YOU. TAPED. THIS?!?"

"Um... See you later!" Robin said as he bolted out of the room like greased lightning.

"ROBIN! I... am... going... to... KILL YOU!!!" Superboy screams as he races out of the rec. room...

"Hold on a second there Kon! Maybe we can work something out..." Cassie yells as she flies off after them, with Empress and Secret in pursuit.

Bart meanwhile has found the Video-Recorder and is playing the 'I am Cow' song again.

"LOL! I wonder if Uncle Wally would like to see this..."

And thus we conclude yet another day in the life of Young Justice.

The End!


End file.
